Fly High Until We Meet Again
Let'southward face it — hardly anybody wants to mind to the flight attendants on an airplane. If information technology'south the in-flight safety announcements, it's irksome. If it's an emergency announcement, it's terrifying. Neither of those are optimal states of being, and then what tin can you do?
A sense of humor goes a long way in making irksome situations tolerable and terrifying situations manageable. These flight attendants go on us laughing despite the challenges of modernistic air travel.
You've Got to Get Your Inventory Somewhere
Peradventure nosotros'd all exit fewer things behind on airplanes if we knew they'd end up getting peddled on the blackness marketplace. Upon landing, one airline attendant was overheard saying, "Please feel gratis to leave behind any of your items in the overhead compartment; I'm having a m sale this weekend."
Next time you come across your luggage, neck pillows or duty-gratis vodka in someone'due south forepart yard, you lot'll know where they came from. Maybe if you lot work something out with the flight bellboy, you can go a cut!
After a particularly rough landing, i flight attendant quipped, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have only attacked Los Angeles." Later on the baggage has been thrown asunder throughout the motel, the booze has splashed on your vacation clothes, you whispered your prayers and your knuckles take whitened…it's ever good to end on a hearty laugh.
See? You about all died in a horrific fireball crashing onto the runway at uncontrollable speeds. Just you didn't, and then just forget information technology and get soused at the airport bar like the rest of the passengers.
For the Quickest Manner off the Airplane…
Being intimidated by the buttons above you in passenger seating is silly. Await at the pilots — they have hundreds of buttons to deal with. You have just a few niggling buttons above your seat, and none of them bear upon the functioning of the plane. At least, that's what we're told.
But not so fast. 1 flight attendant said this: "The yellow button is your reading calorie-free. Please don't printing the orangish push unless you admittedly have to. The orange button is your ejector seat button." Improve hope you waited for those instructions!
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Fourth dimension
It'southward unlikely that anyone who has ever dreamed of having children has really thought through all the details. Sure, those kids seem to complete the idyllic family life, but that was before you locked yourself into a metal cylinder with them hurtling through the air at ludicrous speeds.
One flight attendant was overheard asking a question for the ages: "For those of you traveling with your children — why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were y'all thinking?"
Don't Get Stuck Holding the Bag
Flight attendants come up with creative ways of getting all the passengers off the plane as soon as possible. They're on a tight schedule and don't have fourth dimension for dawdlers.
Ane tin can only imagine the stampede of passengers rushing off when one flight attendant announced, "Final one off the airplane must make clean information technology." They're kidding, right? They have specialized teams of cleaners for that, don't they? Better push a few children and one-time ladies out of the style just to be sure.
She's Popular
Southwest Airlines flying attendant Marty Cobb posted a viral video of herself performing a comedic version of the safety instructions. She started with, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention for merely a few moments? My ex-husband, my new boyfriend and their divorce attorney are going to show the prophylactic features."
Of course, she was kidding. Or maybe she was only half-kidding. Either mode, she might've picked up a few more phone numbers on that flight. But be careful, fellas; she'due south a homo-eater, and y'all may terminate up on YouTube.
That'southward Gonna Cost Ya
Viral flight attendant star Marty Cobb had a few more than jokes up her sleeve, touching on how airlines like to nickel and dime passengers for amenities. During the in-flight safety sit-in with the oxygen mask, she announced, "To activate the menstruation of oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute."
Well, that's reasonable. Things similar snack boxes, liquor, in-flight Wi-Fi and oxygen are all extra. Await. What? Don't worry about it. As long as you take a small- or medium-sized backpack full of quarters, y'all'll be just fine.
Put It Out or We'll Put You Out
There was a day when passengers could smoke in the rider cabins of airplanes, but those days are long gone. Still, some passengers even so demand some polite reminding.
Not to put too fine a point on it, 1 flight attendant announced, "There is no smoking in the motel on this flight. In that location is also no smoking in the toilets. If we see any fume coming from a toilet, we will assume you are on burn and put you out. This is a complimentary service nosotros provide to you."
Was That My Luggage?
There'south nothing like a bit of trigger-happy dropping and shaking on an airplane to get the ol' blood flowing once more. Panic is usually passengers' first reaction, followed by a death grip on the armrests and the downing of any liquor within accomplish. It's not pleasant, and information technology can't finish soon enough.
Flight attendants know this and often endeavour to disarm the state of affairs with humor. During a nasty spell of turbulence, a flight bellboy assured passengers, "No need to exist alarmed folks. That's just the sound of your luggage existence ejected from the aircraft."
Effort Not to Think About It
Does anyone always really stop to think that strapping into an airplane and flight across the country is something our ancestors would have considered insane? That there'due south cipher separating you from the basis thousands of anxiety downwards other than a sparse canvas of metal?
In instance they might've forgotten, one flight attendant reminded passengers, "Give thanks you lot for flying with u.s. today. And the side by side time you lot get the insane urge to go diggings through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we promise you'll think of US Airways."
Aiming to Please
It's great to know that when something goes wrong on an plane, the flying attendants and coiffure try to go out of their fashion to fix it. It doesn't e'er piece of work, only at least they put in some effort.
Riffing on traditional customer service spiels, i flight attendant assured passengers who had been waiting a long time at the gate, "Deplorable for the delay folks, merely the machine that breaks your luggage is broken. We'll have you off the aeroplane as soon as we get done breaking it by hand."
Choose Well
Nature has a manner of guaranteeing the survival of your genes. If y'all have many children, congratulations! They'll look later y'all when you lot've grown old. Every bit long as you expect later them well correct at present — which might exist hard, depending on the flight yous volume.
Case in bespeak? I flight attendant pointed out the post-obit during the safety demonstration: "If y'all are traveling with ii or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Assist that one kickoff, and and then work your style down."
Don't Go Your Hopes Upwardly
Though experienced flyers know what all the buttons above the seat do, there are always a few newbies who may not. The flight attendants are there to help get those rookies defenseless up to speed.
As Southwest Airlines flight attendant Jeff Simpson once explained, "Nosotros'll be dimming the lights in the cabin. Pushing the light-bulb button will turn your reading light on. However, pushing the flight-attendant push will non turn your flying attendant on." Give thanks goodness for that.
It'southward Similar a Water Park
No one always wants to really imagine what happens "in the event of a water landing." Yes, you're glad there are precautions, just you pray this won't happen to y'all. That's not a euphemism you lot want to hear associated with planes.
1 Southwest Airlines flight bellboy put a chipper spin on the gloom and doom of imagining the worst and reframed it every bit a party: "In the event of a water landing, your seat-lesser cushions can be used every bit flotation devices. Just kicking-paddle, kick-paddle all the way to shore. We volition be sure to follow you with the alcohol."
It's Just Business
If you terminate and think about it, business travelers pay a lot for their airline tickets, particularly when you consider how much they pay for huge upgrades over coach. This is non lost on the flight attendants, who seem to give a nod to the fact that these frequent flyers spend quite a bit.
Said one snarky flight attendant on Delta, "Thank you for flying Delta Concern Express. We hope you lot enjoyed giving u.s. the business as much as nosotros enjoyed taking y'all for a ride."
Not to State the Obvious
Take-off speed for the average commercial airliner is somewhere around 150 miles an hr. That's faster than you'll go in a car, and y'all're doing it in a gigantic jetliner that weighs somewhere around sixty tons. Those engines accept to work overtime to get you into the air. If you stop and call back about what it takes, yous realize it's quite impressive.
As ane Southwest flight attendant said: "Buckle your seatbelts folks. We're about to go and so fast that nosotros're gonna wing." It'southward kind of a modern miracle, and so strap yourself in!
No One Flies for the Food
Airplane food has been the butt of jokes for decades. And with skilful reason! But to be off-white, not every airline serves horrible food, and if you're in beginning class, your experience is much dissimilar. That being said, for most anybody the meals are but awful.
The flight attendants know this, and in ane of their announcements they used it as a threat: "Please remain seated until the airplane has come to a complete stop at the gate. Anyone caught continuing up will be strength-fed another repast."
Public Service Announcement
We all know smoking is bad for usa, yet millions of people withal light up every mean solar day. Generations agone, smoking was everywhere: restaurants, planes, bars, hotels. These days in most places, smoking is limited to outdoor spaces or within your own home.
Back in the 1990s, there was some other major push using public service announcements to stop people from smoking. I rider who was flying United Airlines back then remembers overhearing a flight attendant announce: "…and every bit you enter the terminal, delight recollect not to smoke…for the rest of your lives."
If Y'all Don't Like the Oxygen, You'll Love the Booze
Everyone who's flown has seen the prophylactic sit-in, then it's not similar you're missing something if you tune out — except when the flying attendants start messing with your head. Southwest, in item, is known for inserting humor into the otherwise-dry and canned safety announcements that the Federal Aviation Administration makes mandatory.
It'southward when you're kind of zoning out that they can slip in the stealth joke. During the oxygen-mask presentation, 1 flying bellboy quipped, "Although the plastic bag may not inflate, you are receiving lots and lots of gin."
Whatever Happens in Vegas…
Flight attendants working the shuttle between Los Angeles and Las Vegas accept surely seen it all. The contrast between the "we're all gonna be rich!" free energy on the style to Vegas couldn't be more different than the "we're hungover and broke" vibe on the style dorsum. Reality is pretty tough.
Every bit one rider was returning to Los Angeles from Vegas, he heard the flying attendant say, "Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed our short flight from Las Vegas. Every bit a friendly reminder, delight put your hymeneals rings back on."
The Option Is Yours
Permit's face information technology. Flying isn't an ideal comfort situation for anyone unless you're in first or business class — simply even all those amenities can't make up for being trapped in a tin tin with dozens of people flight at unfathomable speeds.
However, with the right mindset, you can at to the lowest degree enjoy a drink, watch a picture, listen to music or take a nap to pass the fourth dimension. 1 flying bellboy encouraged passengers to find their inner Zen: "Sit back and relax, or sit down up and be tense, either way."
Survival Can Be a Party
This joke was and then pop information technology made the regular rounds on the Southwest in-flight rubber announcements for a while. It'south hard to make light of a potentially life-threatening state of affairs, only it'due south non difficult to recognize the ridiculous fashion statement a life vest makes.
If you're going to do gallows aeroplane humor, you might as well get a little silly with it. Equally many of the flight attendants on Southwest say, "You'll notice in the highly unlikely event the captain lands virtually a hot tub everybody gets their own teeny weeny yellow bikini."
The Smoking Section Is Breezy
The urge for serious smokers to start puffing on a flight is real. That's the ability of nicotine addiction. But, unless you're a fourth dimension traveler from the 1960s, everyone knows that you can't lite up on a plane. Between the jet fuel and the combustible upholstery, information technology'southward a wonder smoking was ever allowed to begin with.
This windy alarm was heard on a Southwest flight: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to fume, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
Get Out the Back, Jack
Most everyone would like to think that they'd remain calm in an emergency state of affairs, but reality dictates otherwise. In case of an emergency landing, the biggest and strongest among the passengers might fall apart, while the smallest and shyest may be stoic and calm. This is why it's important to mind during the part of the safety sit-in about exits.
Every bit i flight attendant pointed out, "There may be l means to leave your lover, but in that location are only iv ways out of this airplane." Think, and accept notes.
Who Says Aught Is Free Anymore?
The older generations remember that flying used to come with all kinds of perks that were costless with your boarding pass. Meals were much more than extravagant. You didn't have to pay extra for carry-on luggage. Y'all could unremarkably get at least one boozy drink for free.
These days you're lucky if you can get some actress cheese and crackers for less than $15. Merely you still get a few things for gratuitous. One client-minded flight attendant reminded passengers, "Please keep your seat belts fastened and relish our complimentary turbulence."
Contrary Psychology
Sometimes it's more powerful to piece of work with passenger urges instead of confronting them. Flight attendants know about that weird 20 minutes or and so between when the plane lands and when it comes to a full stop. That's when every passenger on the airplane is champing at the chip to stand up, stretch and become out.
One time one detail flight landed in London, the flying attendants announced, "We are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer, and then please stand before we have come to a end."
We Take Total Responsibility
There'due south nothing more than refreshing than an airline that takes complete responsibleness for any and all client service-related issues. Well, there'south one affair more refreshing: an airline that doesn't take itself besides seriously and uses humor to defuse issues. For some reason, information technology's easier to trust someone who'due south funny over a stiff stuffed shirt.
One chipper Southwest flying bellboy said, "Thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines for your flight today. If yous had any problems with this flight, remember y'all were riding with Delta." Got that? D-E-L-T-A.
You Aren't Fabricated of Money
Fines are steep for misbehaving on airplanes. Penalties are high for smoking, because, you know, open flames and flammable everything-around-you don't mix. And you just can't get that cigarette smoke out of the recirculated air.
During the safety demonstration, a flight attendant made that clear by announcing: "No smoking is allowed, non fifty-fifty in the toilets. Don't be naughty in our potty. If you do there is a $2,000 fine, and if you had that kind of money yous'd be flying United instead of Southwest."
Don't Scrimp on the Extras
After the full presentation on using the oxygen mask in an emergency, Southwest flight attendant Marty Cobb added, "And let'southward be honest, merely those that paid the extra $49.99 become whatsoever extra oxygen."
The funny (or not-and then-funny) matter almost this is that almost everyone could imagine a time to come in which people might have to pay extra in advance for life-saving amenities such every bit oxygen or inflatable life vests. Peradventure if you just spring for the floating cushion, y'all can suck the air out of that instead.
Smiling and Don't Panic
One airplane had such a rough landing in Phoenix, even the smiling flight attendants couldn't aid commenting. Y'all take to wonder if they have these announcements scripted beforehand. If they don't, most flight attendants could accept futures in the comedy circuit.
One passenger recalls them reacting off the cuff: "Ladies and gentlemen, delight remain in your seats until Helm Crash and the Crew take brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, in one case the tire fume has cleared and the alarm bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you tin can selection your mode through the wreckage to the final." Sometimes it's ameliorate when they're non pretending everything is fine.
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Source: https://www.faqtoids.com/travel/funny-flight-attendants?utm_content=params%3Ao%3D740006%26ad%3DdirN%26qo%3DserpIndex
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